im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
