WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
