He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
