Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
