TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
