GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
