How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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