what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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