Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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