Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
