my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
