the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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