fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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