I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
