FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
