this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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