Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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