the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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