Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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