she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh god it's open bar.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
