guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
