You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
