Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
