i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
