Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
