Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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