I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
