Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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