i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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