Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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