let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
