i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
