trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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