remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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