I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
