nut hugger
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
