it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
