I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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