im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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