i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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