Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize