as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize