You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
