I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
