I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
