I haven't been this sober since birth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
