i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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