Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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