Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
