Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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