I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
