you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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