No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
