Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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